U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
