Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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