Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
