Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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