Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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