i think my tv is drunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
