I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
