I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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