it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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