If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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