You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
