I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
