That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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