you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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