Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You are a genius and a whore.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
