tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
