i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
