Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
