just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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