yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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