My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
