So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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