yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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