found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
