Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
