it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
