guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
