And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
