You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
