i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
