fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
FUCK WHALES
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
