Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
