6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize