The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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