I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize