you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You are the jesus of drinking
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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