Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize