Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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