I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
