I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
