I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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