He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
either way he was missing a nipple.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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