Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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