Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
