There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i think my cat just said my name.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
