Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
