Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
