I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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