just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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