I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
