Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
