I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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