I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
