End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
