my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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