you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
