i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize