I just saw a hot homeless man
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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