He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I want a musical about memes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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