Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
