she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i will never coherently bang her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
