If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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