Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
