I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
