Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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