but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
