So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
