I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
