this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
operation harelip BJ is a go
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
